This month is a month of emotions.

I wrote this poem, March 2008, which is the anniversary month of my mother's passing. I wrote it for national Woman's Week as I was inspired by $Moonbeam13 and her tales of her grandmother and mother and the memorials she would give them, in honor and admiration. I wanted to re post it because it marks what is going on for me and I am sure others. This was such a healing thing for me to do, that I am now doing it with my sister.

Some pictures of some of my children The smiles in my day!




May 24th marks the day my little sister passed and I am currently trying to apply the same type healing as I did with my mother. I have never memorialized my lil sisters passing (I hadn't my mother's either) except for the funeral we gave her. She was a spirited young lady and her life added so much to mine. We were exactly 11 months apart and we would be "twins" for the month of February, sharing the same age. We did so for many many years. She died at the young age of 42, just like my mother and she also died of cancer. She battled many things and she succumbed to leukemia. She loved to sing and played guitar so beautifully. She could play by ear since she was a child. Her life was riddled with pain, abuse and what seemed like endless years in hospitals. Yet, she could paint you a picture and cast a great big smile.

For her funeral we bought a kite, in the shape of a bird and wrote the words "Freebird" on the wings... We sent it sailing across the ocean as we scattered a few of her ashes, as all my children and I filled the ocean breeze with countless bubbles...she is free as a bird now....I miss her so...

My children are building me a new garden to go with all of my other gardens that they build me and I am excited to celebrate mothers day filled with love and flowers...but I miss my mommy and my sister...If yours are around, hold them dear! Forgive wrongs and throw away any righteous indignations, cast all your cares to the sea and let resentments fly high as free as a bird.

KITES for Kelly















Audio Version Here
This is a "spoken Word" Piece and best if listened to.
Mom?

Mom? Can you hear me? Do you know me? Do you care?

Mom? Are you proud? Am I like you? Are you there?

I miss you, I had babies, you would love them, I know you would.

Did I do it right?

Some are grown now; did I do it like I should?

I was a singer, did you see me? Did I look like you up on that stage?

I got old now and I don't look like that today, Oh, mom I am so very sorry that you never got to age.

Cancer took Kelly and Nonnie too, are they in Heaven? Are they sitting there with you?

Oh mom I love them and I miss you all so much..I never wrote this note to you.. I know that I lost touch… I know I was hiding, from the pain from the unknown

But Mom can you see me? Can you see me can you see how much I've grown?

Mom can you hear me? Or am I sitting here crying all alone?

Mom can you believe it? I adopted 6 more children to call my very own!

I know it seems crazy but I want to be the best that I can be.

Knowing sickness has tried to beat me down; it has yet to conquer me!

You are my inspiration, never quitting, sitting or laying still until the end.

I yearn to be the strength that you lay before me, to not falter, to not bend.

Oh mom can you hear me? Am I anything like you? Were you really a Rockette? Mom, was that the truth?

You fought like no other, the smartest woman I know.

I try to stand tall, and be smart, Mom, does it show?

Do you see my eldest, wow she is a star, bless her mom

Can you see her, from where you are?

I don't want to lose her she is the only one with our tainted blood

Can the angel of death pass by her, do have connections up above.

Mom, she was born just a year after you died, her daddy died 13yrs later is he by your side?

It's been tough without you here; there is so much I want you to see…

But most of all dear mommy,

I want you proud of me.
Copyright ©shell 03/06/08

Jan-My mom died March 9th, 1978.

My daughter's father died March 3rd 1991.

This amazing woman made the front page of her local paper when she died..she was well known for her activist work, primarily for students and for health care.

This took me 30 years to write. I must thank the mentors here at deviantART. I never would have done this without you. Today I remembered how she encouraged my art, my music, my dance--Yes, my dance to the tune of a different drummer. She never judged me , even when she didn't understand.

International Women's Week-Hats off to my mom!! Be proud mom..be proud. She was an artist and dear friend of O'Keane and living in the SF Bay Area we were surrounded by art and culture. My mother was very active in theater and dance to the horror of the aristocratic family that surrounded her.

I would also like to salute my great aunt. She was a famed sculptress in SF making headlines due to the risque work that she presented. (Both as model and as sculpture.)


I have been blessed to have such heroes in my life.
My Kids

Last Years Planting--This years coming soon!!

I dedicate this to =mombeam $Moonbeam13 =mom-the-bomb and also to all the mommies out there!